Hail, Sonja!
by Baz The Storyteller
Summary: After defeating a giant serpent in a town, the townspeople are little more than grateful. They see Sonja as a goddess and start to worship her like crazy, and even worse, they follow her every move and won't let her leave. Will Sonja escape the town of crazy worshipers? It also explains the origins of Sonja's bikini.


HAIL SONJA!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is an origin story of how Sonja got her bikini. However, in this version, she gets a skirt and also a different outfit too.

In the opening, she's wearing typical peasant clothing.

She's also a bit friendly and charismatic. But she's still deadly.

Shall we begin?:

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Sonja arrived in the town of Addoli. She needed somewhere to stay for the night. She noticed that the townspeople looked frightened.

"Is it because of me?" she asked the Innkeeper.

"No," answered the Innkeeper. "The town has very little water and the waterfall is guarded by a huge serpent."

Sonja looked around and noticed that the people were suffering. They were lacking of water for drinking and also for washing. She knew what she had to do.

She made her way down to the waterfall, despite the Innkeeper's warning. But being the woman who laughs at danger, this was no problem for Sonja.

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It was just your average pool and waterfall. It was very big and beautiful. The sort of place you want to have a party.

She stripped and stood naked underneath the waterfall. She had her sword beside her. As she was enjoying her bathing, there was a red eye watching her from not too far away. The creature poked his head out and gave a good look at his prey. That perfect, fit and tender body would make a great meal. The serpent slithered its way toward her.

The serpent was 20 foot long and had silver scales. It also had a big red eye.

The serpent made it's way over to Sonja just bathing away, not noticing. It opened it's jaws and then made its attack.

It's jaws made their way right behind Sonja and just when the creature was about to chow down on her, Sonja sprung into action and grabbed her sword. She then shoved the sword into the ceiling of the serpent's mouth.

It screeched in pain as Sonja kept on shoving her sword further into the wound.

She then pulled it out so that the serpent could roar in pain. It became so angry that it's head lunged after Sonja who jumped out of the creature's way as it crashed into rocks. It then pulled its head out and opened its jaws as it lunged toward Sonja again, but she jumped out of the way as the serpent's mouth chowed on some rocks, dirt and Sonja's clothes.

She regretted putting them there now. The serpent then lunged at Sonja once more, but it missed and it's body just went past her. Sonja then sliced a huge vain on the side of it's body. Blood sprayed out and the serpent once again rose its head into the sky. It's 20 foot body peered down at Sonja and it opened it's jaws ready to make the kill once more.

As it's head plummeted straight down over Sonja, the warrior made it's way into its mouth. She made her way into the throat of the serpent. Then she stuck her sword from the inside of the serpent's throat.

It screamed in pain as the blade pierced through it's neck. For the serpent, it was like trying to eat glass.

Whilst holding onto the inside, Sonja trailed her sword all around the serpent's throat. The serpent let out one last screech as Sonja slice it's vocal cords.

The head was finally off and it's decapitated body fell into the pool. Sonja pulled herself out of the throat. Her body was covered in blood. She then went over to the waterfall to wash the blood off.

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The townspeople heard all the commotion and decided to investigate. They were surprised to see that the serpent was dead. They couldn't believe it.

"The serpent is dead and it is all thanks to the outsider!" cried a man with joy.

"We can have water again!" cried a woman.

Everyone all cheered as they looked at the serpent's body.

"Young woman, we'd like to thank you!" said another man.

The naked Sonja walked out of the waterfall and made her way over to the people.

"Oh naked one, you have saved us from this monster," said the man.

"The gods heard our cry and gave us one of their own," announced a woman. "Hail! Hail! Hail!"

All the townspeople got on their knees and began to bow and place their hands on the ground every time they touched it.

Sonja just stood there confused.

"It was no big deal," said Sonja. "I just killed a…."

"Hail! Hail! Hail the great one!" chanted the people.

A druid came up to Sonja with a blanket and covered her with it.

"Oh dear. You'll have to come with me," said the druid as he brought Sonja away from the waterfall.

The townspeople all began to follow Sonja and the druid as they made their way over to his hut.

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As the townspeople chanted outside, the druid explained everything to Sonja.

"I'm sorry about them. Our Mayor was killed years ago. These people want someone to lead them. They're like children without a guardian."

"Couldn't you lead them?" asked Sonja.

"Me? I'm just a druid," he said. "I couldn't lead somebody to save my life, let alone a whole town. And good luck trying to leave, they won't let you. Even if you order them. They see you as a goddess. And they'll be asking you for orders of what to do."

Sonja understood. However, since the people wanted her orders, she decided to have a bit of fun.

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Once she came out of the hut, the people immediately shouted "What shall we do, goddess? Tell us what to do? How shall we thank you for saving us?"

"Well, you can start by calling me Sonja," she answered.

"Hail Sonja the Red!" the people chanted.

"Let's go back to the waterfall and then I'll tell you what I want," said Sonja as she began to lead the people back to there.

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When they made it back, Sonja looked at the serpent. She couldn't help but notice it's rather incredible looking scales.

"Who here can make me clothes from the scales of this serpent?" she asked,

A lot of women put their hands up and said "I can! I can! I can!"

"All of you work together and make me clothes of these scales," ordered Sonja. "Also, let's cut the serpent up and have the pieces for dinner."

Everyone all cheered. Sonja was enjoying this. A woman walked up to her with a thin rope and wrapped it around Sonja's stomach to measure it. And also her breast size.

"You have the body of a warrior," said the woman.

"Thank you," replied Sonja.

"Could you teach me how to get a body like yours?" asked a girl.

"If you like," said Sonja as the woman finished measuring her. Then she and the other ladies walked away to get tools.

"Now all the most handsome bachelors step forward," announced Sonja feeling a little naughty.

About 20 men all ran forward.

"Take off your clothes," said Sonja with a grin.

The men all stripped naked and Sonja was impressed by their manhoods.

"Hmm, I pick… you."

The winner, whose name was Zilus smiled. The others groaned. Sonja seductively walked up to him.

"Whilst dinner is being prepared, give me a massage," she said.

So Sonja and Zilus went to his hut and as she laid naked on the bed, he gave him the most sensual massage ever.

"Looks like I picked the right one," said Sonja as she kissed Zilus' arm and then his chest and then his mouth.

The two began to have fantastic sex. It was the best Zilus ever had.

"You truly are a goddess," he said to her.

Somebody was watching from the window with interest. A man came up to the watcher and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Get back to work," he said.

The watcher tutted and walked away.

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As the townspeople began to chop the serpent into pieces (the druid also wanted the serpent's venom in a bottle), most of the women stripped off the creature's scales and began to make them into clothes.

An hour later, the chunks of serpent was cooked and ready for dinner. Sonja's new outfit had also been made.

Well, actually there were two of them.

"That was quick," said Sonja.

"Yes, we're very fast when we work together," said one of the women.

The one of the outfits was a silver scaled bra and skirt. And the other was a sort of woman's soldier's outfit.

"They're so beautiful, I love them," said Sonja with amazement.

So she decided to try them on each.

They were a perfect fit and she felt like a real warrior wearing them.

"Thank you very much," said Sonja. "You all did a fantastic job."

The women felt honoured.

"The goddess said she liked it!" "Sonja liked our clothes!" "It was my design!" "Shut up! You did nothing!"

"The feast is ready!" cried the head chef.

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The whole town had a fantastic feast. Everyone listened to Sonja as she told her stories of her many battles and adventures. After her stories, she looked at the druid.

"I couldn't help but notice the smell of Stygian in your hut."

"Yes, but that's only for special occasions," said the druid.

Sonja raised her eyebrow.

She, the druid and the townspeople puffed away at Stygian with the druid's hookah. They laughed uncontrollably as they were so stoned out of their minds.

But as Sonja entertained her followers throughout the night, she couldn't help but be put off by the fact that they wanted her to stay in the town forever. Sonja was an adventurer who travelled from place to place. She would stay anywhere. Especially after her own village got burned down and it's people killed. Also, if Sonja's enemies found out that she was here, think of what they could do to these people. She had to think of a way to get out of here and she had the perfect plan.

"My next order of business will be to choose a right hand man and woman," she announced. "I will hold a small tournament tomorrow to find out who will be the winner."

Everyone got excited and started murmuring.

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The next morning, Sonja held a small tournament for the townspeople. There were 10 men (one of them included Zilus) and 10 women who volunteered to become Sonja's right hand man and woman. Sonja made them run around the town, then she made them climb the biggest trees and then made them swordfight. Without letting them kill each other, of course.

Most of the participants were very keen and took the tournament seriously, but Sonja wasn't. Secretly, the winners would be in charge of the town whilst Sonja would leave. Of course she hadn't told the people yet.

All day long, people kept following Sonja around and kept asking what she wanted. She got fed up and said "I order you to leave me alone."

They did, but only for a short while.

They watched her every move and talked about how great she was, all day. Sonja was having none of this. She would have to leave soon.

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The night the townspeople held yet another banquet for Sonja, for no reason really. Just to brag on about how great she was.

"I have an announcement to make," she began. "Tomorrow morning, I will be leaving."

Everyone gasped in shock.

"You can't leave!" cried a man in horror.

"We need you!" cried another. "You have to protect us!"

"You can protect yourselves!" said Sonja. "That is why I held the tournament for today, to find the best fighter to protect you."

The people murmured even more.

"So it wasn't to fight alongside you?" asked a disgusted man who took part in the tournament.

"You're just going to leave us to be pigs to the slaughter!" cried another.

Everyone all protested angrily as they heard about this news. Sonja was getting more and more irate.

She then grabbed the druid by the neck and held her sword to him.

"Back off!" she cried. "Or I'll slice his face off!"

"Oh, the druid is being sacrificed to the goddess!" said a jealous man. "Aren't we lucky?"

"I am NOT a goddess!" cried Sonja. "I am just an ordinary human being!"

"But you fought the giant serpent!" cried a woman.

"I killed it because I believe I could!" said Sonja. "I have been training for years. You could do the same."

Sonja brought the druid over to the outside of the town. The people followed her.

They all cried "Don't leave us! How could you lie to us!"

More and more people began shouting at Sonja. To the point where she couldn't take it anymore. The anger boiled up inside her and she finally bellowed "SHUT UP!"

Everyone went quiet.

"You want one last order from me? Here it is! From now on, you do what the druid tells you, alright!"

She let go of the druid.

"And if anyone even dares to follow me, I will disembowel you!" she demanded as she turned around and walked away.

The people just stood there in tears. They were lost and hopeless.

They all ran up to the druid.

"Druid, now what do we do?" a boy asked him.

"Just leave me alone," said the druid as he walked back to his hut.

The people just stood there in despair.

One of the girls who helped make Sonja's outfit ran after her. She carried a sack with Sonja's second outfit in it

"Sonja!"

The warrior turned around.

"I just want to say that you can keep the outfits we made for you," said the girl as she gave Sonja the sack. "Good luck."

The girl began to run back home. Sonja looked at the sack with the second outfit in it.

"Little girl!"

The girl stopped and looked at Sonja.

"Thank you," said Sonja.

"You're welcome," said the girl as she continued running.

Despite being free from the town, Sonja felt a bit sick.

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Sonja decided to spend the night in a tavern in the woods. It was really for criminals but she didn't care. She needed a drink and shelter. She and the barkeep talked about the people of Addoli. Yes, they were worship-crazy and didn't think for themselves, but it would be nice if someone could lead them.

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The next morning, the people of Addoli were in despair. With Sonja gone who would lead them?

Zilus went to the druid's hut.

"I think we should all bring the townspeople all together. I have something to say."

So the druid brought forth all the townspeople together outside. Zilus began to make his speech.

"I know Sonja left us, but to be fair, we did act selfishly. We wanted a leader so badly, that we just couldn't let her go. We should have told her the truth in the first place."

Everyone agreed. They all mummered and nodded their heads.

"She got rid of the serpent and taught us to fight," continued Zilus. "And we repaid her with new clothes and shelter for the night."

"You also repaid her with something else all right," chuckled a man.

"But she's right, it should be one of us," resumed Zilus. "We'll have to decide whose the….."

From the hills not too far away, he saw 12 vicious looking men in armor on horseback.

"The Empress' men!" shouted Zilus.

Everyone panicked as they saw the vicious looking riders heading toward them.

The people all ran into their homes.

Zilus and his friends, who took part in the tournament too, were in his hut.

The vicious horsemen arrived with flaming torches ready to burn all the huts and people to a crisp.

They worked for an evil Empress called Neria who lived in a castle not too far away. She was a greedy and cruel woman who was very rich, but not very sympathetic. She despised the poor, mainly due to the fact that they would try to rob her and would often sneak into her castle to steal any jewels they could find.

Empress Neria ordered for every poor village to be burnt down, even if the villagers weren't thieves.

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Zilus and his friends all pulled out their swords. Despite only training for a day and Sonja not being there to help them, they had to try.

One of the Empress' men set fire to a hut. He laughed as he was having the time of his life.

Suddenly, a rock hit him in the eye. He looked to see where the rock came from. It was one of Zilus' friends.

The horseman dismounted and ran straight toward the culprits with his flaming torch in his hand. As he chased after them around the hut, he ran right into Zilus' sword. It impaled him in the stomach. Zilus took the torch off the man and set him on fire. The man screamed as he burned alive.

"See how you like it," said Zilus.

All the other men got off their horses and invaded the huts. They began bringing out the people who lived in them and threw them to the ground. One of them leered at the people gleefully.

"Alright, the good news we're not going to kill you….. Yet. The even better news is that I'm going to enjoy this!"

He grabbed a woman and held her down. Her children cried as the other horsemen held onto them and they had to watch.

"MOTHER! NO! LET HER GO!"

"You're next!" laughed the rapist as he begun to have his way with her. But before he got started, a sword flew out of nowhere and impaled the rapist right in the head. The poor woman pushed him off her.

The women who made Sonja's outfit, charged after the horsemen with their knitting needles in the hands. One of the women impaled her needles right into one of the horsemen's eyes. He howled in pain. Then another woman shoved her needles into another horseman's ears.

One horseman continued to burn down more roofs of huts, but one of the women who trained with Sonja, she arrived with her sword and sliced off the arsonist's arm spraying the blood over the fire, putting them out.

The fight was going well, that was until the remaining horsemen all surrounded the townspeople in a circle. Zilus and his friends had their swords at the ready.

Suddenly one horseman began to choke. There appeared to be a blade sticking out from his chest. The blade went up across to the top of his and split the body in half. The horse just stood there with the half body on it's back. Through the split body, everyone could see the culprit.

"SONJA THE RED!" cried the townspeople in delight.

"Hello," said Sonja. "Heard there was a fight and I wanted to join in."

"Listen Sonja, we have something to tell you," began Zilus.

"You can tell me later," said Sonja. "Right now, let's have some fun."

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As the battle continued on, one of the horsemen burst into the druid's hut. The druid was very scared of him.

"Look, take whatever you want, but not the small lilac bottle," begged the druid.

"Oh, you mean this bottle," said the horseman as he lifted the bottle from the table.

"No, don't drink out of it please!" begged the druid.

"Oh, I am so thirsty," said the horseman as he began to drink from the bottle. "Oh dear, look what I've done."

The horseman laughed in his face, but then began to choke. He started to cough up blood and then some more. He fell to the floor as he choked on his own blood. The druid stood over him with a smirk.

"I told you not to drink from it," he said,

Remember the serpent's poison the druid wanted?

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Another horseman was riding around chasing after the townspeople, he was having a lot of fun terrorizing his victims. But as he rode between two huts, he failed to noticed that there was a long thin wire that was between them. Each end was being held by a woman. The horseman screamed as he rode between the wire, thankfully his horse ducked. The rider fell to the ground. He then noticed the lower half of his body was still on the horse.

Zilus then held the half rider by his hands and then began to swing him in a circle. The rider's organs all flew out of the half of his body, and they hit the huts, people and the ground. Zilus stopped spinning as he realised what a mess he made.

"Oh, sorry about that," he laughed.

A horseman came running up to him with a sword, but he slipped on one of the rider's organs and as he fell to the ground, he broke his neck.

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Sonja was surrounded by the remaining four horsemen. But she took a deep breath, held out her sword and then spun around.

SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! SLICE!

The decapitated bodies all fell to the ground and their heads bounced away.

The battle was over. The people of Addoli cheered over their victory.

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All of the riders' horses were sent back to where they came from. The townspeople all faced Sonja once again.

"Sonja, we have something to tell you," said Zilus. "Our Mayor didn't die, he ran off with the money that Empress Neria gave him. We needed a leader so badly that we just got a little too attached to you."

"That's alright," said Sonja. "But you actually do have a leader."

"Who?" asked a woman.

Sonja looked at Zilus.

"You're intelligent, a great fighter and a great leader."

"Also, you gave us the confidence to fight," said one of his friends.

"Zilus, will you lead us?" asked a woman.

All the townspeople looked at him.

"Of course I will," he said.

Everyone cheered.

"Zilus is our new Mayor," said the druid.

"So, what shall be our first order of business Mayor Zilus?" asked another friend.

"Tonight, we shall bid Sonja a farewell banquet," announced Zilus.

"And I actually have more Stygian," said the druid.

"For without her," continued Zilus. "We wouldn't have the confidence or training to fight. Any intruder threatens us, we'll fight them off."

Everyone cheered and chanted "Hail Mayor Zilus!" However, he had one more thing to say.

"But first, since the serpent is gone, let us celebrate our victory by stripping naked and swimming into the pool."

Everyone cheered as they headed toward the pool and stripped off. But Sonja and Zilus were still standing behind.

"Would you like to have one last farewell?" asked Zilus.

"Thought you'd never ask," answered Sonja with a grin, as the two of them ran into Zilus' hut, stripped and had great sex again.

Little did they know was that the peeper from earlier was watching them at the window again.

THE END


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